Author Interviews Fictional Character: Terry the narrator

I am here with Terry Chamden, narrator of the Horde, my novel soon to be released via as a musical serial audio novel Terry, thanks for joining us.

Terry Chamden: Um, what are you doing in the break room. If my manager catches you here, I’m so fired.

PS: Terry, why don’t you introduce yourself for our readers.

TC: Hi, I’m Terry Chamden, I’m currently on my 15 minute break from running a cash register and am being interviewed by a voice in my head claiming to be the author of a novel about me. I’m beginning to have doubts about my sanity.

PS: Thank you. Ok, so we’ll start with an easy question. Are you gay?

TC: What?

PS: Well, despite your live in girlfriend, you spend most of your time with her either arguing or having her hold you while you cry like a little baby. Meanwhile you spend most of the first two chapters staring at strange sword wielding guys you keep dreaming about. Clear that up for us.

TC: What the heck is this?

PS: I’m just saying. Maybe it’s more you’re a misogynist?

TC: Where are you getting this from?

PS: Well besides the fact that we’re two chapters in it’s been all MEN MEN MEN, I’ve read the rest of the manuscript. I wrote it! I mean come on, the women don’t fare well in the story you’re telling. And the only one that really comes off as at all empowered turns out to be your mom.

TC: I’m getting the feeling this is less about interviewing me and more about blaming flaws on the story on the narrator.

PS: Why would I do something like? I’m the author. I can hand-wave the whole thing and just make it all your fault. Literally. I just did. It’s all your fault. I’m utterly blameless.

TC: I think maybe you should interview people you have less emotional investment in. This is seriously messed up. Anyway, I’ve got to get back to work or my manager is going to bite my head off again, something I’m sure the author had NOTHING to do with.

PS: Wait, just one more question. What’s up with all the singing in the audio recording. Couldn’t make a living with your Pink Floyd cover band?

TC: That’s it. I’m done.

PS: That was Terry Chamden, narrator of the Horde, storming out of the room like a petulant five year old. The Horde is a novel by me, Patrick Scaffido, and will be released soon in a serialized podcast via Thanks for reading. This has been “Author Interviews Fictional Character.” Next week, we’ll interview Felicia Day about her plans to start a Pink Floyd cover band. Till then.


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